Lawrence, Kansas Feb.
28, 1861
Mrs. Elizabeth Benjamin,
Words are inadequate to express the melancholy sadness I
feel in the reluctant duty which devolves upon me of communicating to you the
intelligence of the irreparable loss we have sustained in the departure hence
of my more than good and dutiful wife, your loving friend.
Mary sickened about the 10th of last Dec. with what
was supposed to be, and undoubtedly was, neuralgic rheumatism, ice her neck,
back sides and loins, and from time to time, in times vacillating, and changing
from place to place, with more or less intensity of fever, pain, and uneasiness. Added
to these ills was a callous affection of the right breast, which, however, was
not painful, nor did it at all trouble her except in mind. She had knowledge by intimation that in the
course of a brief space of time it would most undoubtedly develop itself and
result in cancerous ___. Of this I
seemed well persuaded as Dr. Husan had positively assured me that such would be
the fact. I proposed to her and took her direction and
wish that as soon as the rheumatism had sufficiently subsided, to enable her to
undertake the journey I would convey her to her sister’s residence In Dedham,
for there she said, to “Ann’s quiet house” it was she wished to go. She well knew I could command means and was
most religiously disposed to provide and contribute to her every want and
comfort without stint and without trouble to anyone who was not most fully compensated. This was a source of her great satisfaction. On the 10th of Jan. she took to
her bed . This course I insisted
upon. Mary, now as always precocious,
was averse to my calling a physician, but my ___ overruled her objection, and
one was sent for who decided that we were right in our views that she was
laboring under neuralgic rheumatism, with the breast most fully disposed ere
long to cancerous disease. This last
development proceeded from a scrofulous predisposition which, for the space of fifty
years and six months, had lain dormant in
her system and now at the turn of life, had, with other complicated elements of
disease, come up to war against her constitution, which was too feeble to
withstand so severe an assault, and finally terminated with the setting sun,
her consistent life, on the 23rd of the present month, in the most peaceful
death I ever witnessed or heard of , departing without the slightest perceptible
ruffle of countenance or distortion of the physical frame.
Mary, after taking to her bed, seemed to be apprehensive that
her illness would beg of some continuance and severity and her final recovery
doubtful, and in my conversation with her she said, “I am willing to live , I
am resigned to die, either at the pleasure of my maker, his will and not mine
to be done”, and continued saying “if I die it will be in peace with all the
world and especially in peace and love toward you. Give my love to my sister Ann, my brother
John Washington, Mary, Mrs. Wells, Laura, Charlotte, Mrs. Benjamin, and the
Bradshaws. ”
The Rev. Mr. Reynolds, our pastor, visited her several times
during her sickness, in all of which interviews she exhibited her faith and
trust in Jesus her Savior. The Rev. Mr.
Brown on approaching her bedside with Mr. Reynolds this interrogated her, “Mrs. Wait, let me ask you if you feel the comfort
and consolation implied in these words”, “though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me”. She
replied, “yes I do”. In the silent watch
of a night or two before she died she was heard to say , “Lord go with me”, and
immediately after, “forgive all my sins”.
Before Mary’s illness we had rented and moved into a very
comfortable and convenient house, which was very prettily furnished with the
articles of furniture I brought from Boston.
Added thereto were sundry other articles, which I had from time to time
purchased in Lawrence. The parlor was as
neatly furnished as any other in the city, and Mary was daily gaining attention
and respect.
Mrs. Bullins, Mrs. Hutchinson , Mrs. Spaulding, and Mrs.
Oldham, four of the most prominent ladies in Lawrence were in her sickness, unremitting
in their attentions to her, supplying every needful nicety. These ladies consulted with me with regard to
the manner in which I desired to have her shrouded, and white ___ was selected,
with full pleated bosom, high up in the neck, adorned with white satin trimming. She had in her trunk a very delicate pair of
dark green kid slippers, which I directed to be and were used. Her hair was
very neatly arranged without ___. The coffin
was of black walnut, neatly trimmed outwardly with three pairs of massive
silver plated handles , and inwardly with white silk and muslin. The pall bearers were the Mayor, Judge Swith,
Mr. Morrow, President of the Lawrence Bank, Mr. Blacklidge, Clerk of the US District
Court, Mr. Duncan and Mr. Wood. Mrs.
Bullene prepared a beautiful bouquet of white roses and put the same upon the
coffin, in the house, and afterwards took it in her carriage to the church, and
when the remains were placed before the church, we replaced it upon the office.
My dear wife was buried on the 26th
instant at 2 PM. A part of the funeral
services being performed at Episcopal Church and the remainder at the
grave. The church was crowded to
overflowing, the aisles being filled with a standing audience. The funeral service by the pastor, Rev. Mr.
Reynolds, was considered truthful and just, he remarked and laid ___ stress
upon “her consistent life which bore
the impress of God’s signature”, and concluding with the words, “Blessed are
the dead who die in the Lord “. Here Mr.
Reynolds said, “an opportunity will not be given to the friends to view the
remains “which was improved by the audience”.
I have been thus particular in detailing all that took place
and was done that you might have before you the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and
the end, of my Mary’s illness, death, and funeral, believing writing up will
have satisfied you, touching a dear subject, and so sad an event, and if herein
you discover anything akin to pomp or vanity, repudiate such a view and attribute
what was performed to a sincere desire to fulfill a Christian duty in love and
affection toward one for whom I cherished an abiding esteem for her consistent
conduct and self-sacrificing devotion to duty.
I now can feel the extreme affliction I experience. Mary had been to me a wife indeed, what do I
know not. My John’s death was the
severest trial I ever had to this period, but my dear wife’s departure is still
a deeper wound beyond a healing and I see nothing left for me in the future but
to go mourning these sad bereavements the remainder of the brief space allotted
me, as the residue of my pilgrimage in time.
Oh! how often have I said to Mary , “I much desire to go first, it would
be in the order of nature, and you relieved of the burden of my care, and why
should it not be so? How well dear you
can get along without me, but what should I do without you. That, indeed, is altogether another question . I hope to be spared your loss”.
And now in conclusion, taking into consideration the
prolonged and acute suffering that my good Mary must of necessity have endured
with her breast had she recovered from her immediate sickness, I am disposed to feel more reconciled to the will
of him “who doeth all things well”, otherwise I should be inconsolable.
The annexed obituary, was penned by a very particular and
kind friend of Mrs. Wait, namely Mrs. Spaulding, one of the ladies before
mentioned.
And finally, may this, the most severe affliction and
chastisement “teach me to number my days , that I may apply my heart unto
wisdom” to the end that I and mine, you and yours, together with countless
millions, be included in that happy theory to whom the Devine Essence shall
proclaim, “come ye blessed of my father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you”.
Very respectfully yours,
Richard G. Wait
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